Banishing Bitter Betty

While working on my 2010 New Year’s Resolutions, I re-read my 2009 Resolutions to take stock of what I had accomplished. Although I did not complete all of these Resolutions, I was feeling pretty good about what I had accomplished. One of my Resolutions was “Learn to be happy by myself. Don’t be the ‘Bitter Party of 1’ anymore”. Well I thought I had done a pretty good job of this, until someone brought to my attention my bitter attitude towards them. Now, I do believe that I have some right to be upset as I opened myself up to them and was let down; however, I am completely mortified that this has now translated in to obvious bitterness.

Merriam-Webster says bitterness is “expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret”. It has been said that bitterness is neither consistent nor rational and that a bitter person is their own worst enemy. All of this explains the emotions I have been going through as well as my behavior towards this person. How did I let them affect me this much? The answer . . . I have trust issues with males because of a situation in my past and he was the first I let in to my life and started to truly care about since it happened 4.5 years ago. Well this explains why I have had such a hard time with this break up as well as my bitterness, but how do I get rid of these bitter feelings so that (1) I wont make myself look any worse than I already do, (2) I will be fun to be around again, and (3) I can be a better Christian? Sadly, it took a 16 word note and him de-friending me on Facebook to force me to realize that my behavior had digressed to the point that this person no longer wanted anything at all to do with me. Although it is for the best at the current time, it really hit me and forced me to examine the situation.

After spending much of last night and today thinking about all of this, I began to search for scripture to comfort me. I found this . . .

“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry . . . Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:26, 31-32

I will try to focus on this scripture for the next week to help me change my bitter feelings. They are inappropriate and have caused me to be embarrassed. I hope that one day this person and I will be able to move past the events that have transpired and at least be social acquaintances. Until then, I will just have to forgive him for hurting my feelings and work on my positive outlook on life.

My next post should be less emotional and more exciting as I head to Phoenix, AZ tomorrow to watch my TCU Horned Frogs take on Boise State in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. Go Frogs!